Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
