If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
