I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
