Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You smell like a Billy Joel song
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
