I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
