is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I didn't notice because vodka
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
