Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize