I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
