using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's never too late to be topless.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
