I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Help. Why am I so naked?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
