Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
not ubering you a puppy
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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