He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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