I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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