i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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