he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Also, beer. Big fan.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
