At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
