My hand turned me down
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
