No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
