just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
