i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
