If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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