peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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