My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
In America we eat man semen.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
