its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
