I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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