So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
