Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
