You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
