We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
