Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Non-Jews are for practice
one might say we're banned from that church
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
