Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
