Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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