I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
