My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
