Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
