That's when you crack a 10am beer
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
