I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
