You just made me feel so damn special
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
