I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
