I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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