My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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