I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
