So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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