Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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