if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Found the puke drawer
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
