we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
