So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
