Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
