We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
