I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
