I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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