I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
