Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Someone came in the potted fern
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
