I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I don't deserve a penis
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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