how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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