At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
