Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My vagina is officially offended.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
