He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
