I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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