but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
