I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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