Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
