So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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