Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
