Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize