I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
