and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
