I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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