I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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