They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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