Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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