If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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