we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize