Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She even gives head with a lisp.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
