I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize