You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We got so high we made milksteak
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
