i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
