i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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