you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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