I just cut my nipple shaving
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
