Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
