i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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