Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We need to feng shui this bitch.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
