Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
