I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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