Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
