this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize