North Korea, Best Korea!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize