Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
