Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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