Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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