i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
