I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
