So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
