my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
