it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
