the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
