pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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