do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
