You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
