i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
This house was built for laser tag.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize