mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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