we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
